Greetings readers of Stupid Blog Name! While on my latest book tour (England, Sweden, South Africa, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Thailand) something truly exciting occurred. I came up with the idea for the official Crack and Stack Challenge.

Editors, publicists, and booksellers who are reading this, please let your authors know:

It’s on.

The Crack and Stack Challenge has been informal up until now, but that’s over. I want official numbers. I want to know—who is the fastest stock signer on earth. That’s right. ON THE PLANET.

Because, I’ll be frank—I think it’s me. (Robert B Parker, who only signs using his initials, doesn’t count. To participate in the Crack and Stack Challenge, you must sign with at least one full name. Do you hear me? One. Full. Name).

In case you’ve never heard of the Crack and Stack Challenge, allow me explain: I made it up. I made it up on my past book tour due to my being sick of authors who take forever at their stock signings (for those of you who don’t know, a stock signing is when authors are sent to a warehouse or book outlet and asked to sign thousands of copies of their book, which are then sent on to random customers or shops to be sold as “autographed copies”).

Authors are asked literally to sit there and sign their name over and over several thousand times, and some will take forever to get through their books.

This is, of course, excusable for elderly or infirm authors. For those authors, it is reasonable to expect their books to have to be handed to them individually for signing.

But that is not okay for perfectly healthy young authors. Perfectly healthy young authors should, in my opinion, be required to participate in the Crack and Stack Challenge.

Why is Crack and Stack so important?

Because due to perfectly healthy young authors who take forever to sign their books, my publicist insisted I get up at six in the morning to make the two hour drive to the book outlet where the thousands of copies of my books were waiting for me, so that she could hand feed me each book one at a time.

I did not WANT to get up at six in the morning to do in four hours what should take one. There was no reason for it.

But do you know how hard I had to argue with my publicist that it would not take me four hours to sign a thousand books just because it took some other perfectly healthy young author four hours to sign a thousand books? I had to prove that I could do it!

Which is why I came up with the Crack and Stack Challenge.

How do I Crack and Stack?

Crack and Stack is simple. That’s where you open the books and pile them on top of each other at the page on which you’re going to sign. Then you sign, starting at the top of the pile, while your publicist whips each book out from under your hand as soon as the signature is complete and hands the book off to a bookseller, who then sticks an Autographed sticker on it, then boxes it.

That’s crack and stack. That’s how you sign a thousand books (or over) in an hour. Done. Also, done.

Then you go eat something delicious. Or sleep.

I’m left-handed. Can I still Crack and Stack?

Lefties? You can do it. I’m left-handed. Righties? Even easier for you.

Doesn’t Crack and Stack hurt the books?

No, Crack and Stack doesn’t hurt the books.

But I like having a nice long gossip with the booksellers while I sign.


You still can! Just do it faster.

But I’m thirsty, and the bookseller is offering me some cookies.

I know. But remember, this is a competition. Speed is important. Eating and drinking will only slow you down. Do you want to get back to the hotel so you can watch TV, or
do you want to win?

The choice is up to you.

What are the current standings in Crack and Stack?

Because Crack and Stack only just started, times are mostly unknown and at best only rumored. It has been said that author Robert Harris signed 3,000 copies of his latest book in 3 hours, a more than decent time. Remember, Crack and Stack ALWAYS works, but it works best if someone is timing you and also timed the last author who was there so you can try to break his or her record. Mine is 24 books per minute. See if you can beat that (I’m guessing you can, and handily).

What is the prize in Crack and Stack?

As of right now, there are no prizes in Crack and Stack, although I’m working on that. Currently, the reward is Honor. The Honor of knowing you are the fastest, best, most brilliant Crack and Stacker on the PLANET.

What are the Rules of the Crack and Stack Challenge?

There is only one rule in Crack and Stack:

Initializing instead of signing (you know who you are) doesn’t count. You have to sign your full name or at the very least write out one full name. It’s easy to do a thousand books in under an hour if you’re just initializing, right, RBP? Signing Dave when your real name is Lord Attenborough doesn’t count.

How to make Crack and Stack more fun and earn Easy Bonus Points:

To make Crack and Stack even more challenging, try to see if you can get them to stack twenty books in a tower, or more. Then stand to reach the top of the tower if you can (not recommended, I’ve tried it. The tower falls down unless held by a publicist, which can be entertaining, only not to the publicist as it turns out).

What have we learned from Crack and Stack?

In conclusion, the Crack and Stack method of book signings is way more effective than having the publicist stand there and hand you each book one at a time.

Call ahead and have the book outlet people crack and stack before you get there (if they’ll be so kind).

Restorative snacks recommended but not while signing.

Medium to Fine point Sharpies are the best pens for Crack and Stack.

Look, authors. You have a great life. You get to write books. For a living. Signing them isn’t that hard. Just Crack and Stack.

Participants, report all numbers to Stupid Blog Name. Independent observers appreciated as authors have a tendency to exaggerate.

Let the games begin.

Sincerely,

Meg Cabot